Matriculation Nation

Here at the cubicle farm where I work, whenever somebody gets a promotion, Human Resources sends out a company-wide email congratulating the person on their new “assignment.”  The email always includes a brief biographical sketch, noting when she or he started at the company, what college they graduated from, what degree(s) they’ve earned, etc.  It also notes any degrees they’re currently pursuing, and it’s always phrased like this: “Mary Jane is matriculating in the Master of Business Administration [or whatever] program at the X University School of Graduate Studies…”

After the last email that went out I joked to a couple of coworker friends that I’m starting to develop matriculation envy, although, seriously, matriculation nausea is more like it.  I can’t imagine a more ridiculous charade than a bunch of corporate strivers getting advanced degrees in subjects that have little to nothing to do with their actual jobs, just to impress upon their bosses that they’re suitable material for a promotion.  Now, granted, the company actively promotes its tuition reimbursement program, and even requires—or at least strongly encourages (same thing)—a Master’s degree for certain jobs, but I have to say, I still don’t get why anyone would waste their time on such nonsense.  If spending 40 hours/week in more or less voluntary captivity isn’t enough to demonstrate my fealty to the company, then fuck it.  They’re not getting my free time, too.


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